Depravity

Things Still Missing

As I read back through my story I realize that there are several things I am still keeping inside myself.

Things that happened, things I've done and things still going on that are caused by the trauma of this horror.  I have done a lot in attempts to make up for what happened.  I've done things to try and fill the hole in my heart.  I've done things to try and replace the love I lost.

You know what?  None of it worked.  It just got me in to trouble and nothing more.

I will work on sharing more information about me trying to compensate and recover from this horror.  Sadly, I've yet to recover so it will be a never ending journey.

Love in the Womb

HUTCHINSON, Kan. - A Hutchinson family is given the news of twins, only to find out they'll most likely go home with just one baby. Of the fraternal twins, a boy and girl, the baby boy has a hole in his heart and an abnormal brain. But as the family learns to lean on their faith and each other, they said their twin babies are doing just the same - holding on to one another.

Ian and Brittani McIntire didn't plan on having any more kids after their first two daughters. Which is why they got an even bigger surprise after finding out they were pregnant again.

"We went in for our six week sonogram and they just said there's one heartbeat and here's another," laughed mom, Brittani.

From shock to excitement, to hearing news no parent expects. With a hole in his heart and an abnormal brain, one baby wasn't growing like he should.

"He's only weighing nine ounces and his sister is over two pounds, so big size difference," Brittani added. "His only chance of survival would be heart surgery but they wouldn't do heart surgery on him because of his brain."

At each follow-up appointment, it was more bad news. Until Tuesday, when the doctors captured a rare moment in a sonogram.

"We didn't really see much, she said there's his hand and there's her hand and it looks like they're holding hands," Brittani explained.

The small, black and white photo showed baby Mason with his tiny hand wrapped around the finger of his growing twin sister Madilyn.

"Most twins, when she's trying to take pictures and stuff, they're kicking each other and hitting each other and she said with our twins it seems like she was very protective over him," Brittani said.

Because Mason may never get to know his twin or family, the special moment caught on camera of the two siblings bonding, is something these parents so is no coincidence.

"We know we have a piece of them together that will last forever and it's special to have," Ian said. 

"I know I'm holding him, I'm carrying him but I just want to be there for him," Brittani said. "And she's the only one who can actually be there and holding onto him through it, so it's comforting to know that if he does pass he won't be alone."

But alone is something neither baby has ever been, from the second their hearts began beating.

"We're still going to trust in God that no matter what, he's been a blessing and if he makes it then it's a huge testimony to what God can do," she added. "And if he doesn't then we have a special angel watching over us."

Twins' special bond captured with sonogram image

Source Article: http://www.kwch.com/news/local-news/sonogram-shows-dying-twin-holding-hand-of-unborn-sister/38033024

The Violence of Abortion

ABORTION AS AN EXPERIENCE OF VIOLENCE

Regardless of the reasons why they have chosen to abort, and even if they are morally comfortable with their decision, many women experience abortion as a violation of their "physical integrity," as it is termed in the definition of PTSD. In many cases, women have described their abortions as feeling like "surgical rape."9 This analogy is not surprising when one considers the actual mechanics of abortion. The woman is prone on her back, legs spread, with a masked stranger plunging instruments into her sexual organs, painfully and literally sucking life out of her womb. Linda described her abortion as follows:

I was fully awake, no pills given, or shots. I lay there with tears rolling down my face. The room was cool. My tears felt like fire on my face, cutting it, slice by slice, tear by tear. My hands were wet with sweat; my right hand squeezed the counselor's thin, cold hand as though squeezing the life out of her. My left hand lay fisted, clenched tightly on my vibrating stomach as the abortion occurred. It felt as though someone was raping me with a 15-Amp canister vacuum hose with no mercy as I lay there helpless, crying calmly, as if agreeing to be raped.

This experience of abortion as a violation of a woman's physical integrity is likely to be even more pronounced in women with a history of being sexually abused or raped. In these instances, the abortion is a connector to these other traumas. This is why a history of sexual abuse is a risk factor for greater post-abortion psychiatric problems. Adding trauma on top of trauma is not healthy, even if the victim is freely consenting to the abortion. As we will see in the next chapter, the intrusion aspect of trauma means that the victims are more likely to recreate trauma in their lives. Providing abortions to women with a history of sexual assault or abuse contributes, in many cases, to self-destructive tendencies. This is especially worrisome in light of recent studies that indicate that up to one-third of women have been the victims of rape or sexual abuse.10

According to one abortion clinic nurse, "Abortion is the narrowest edge between kindness and cruelty. Done as well as it can be done, it is still violence.... "11 According to Missy:

My abortion was extremely traumatic. The pain was excruciating. They kept telling me not to arch my back. I remember nurses coming in to hold me down. The machine sounded like a broken-down air conditioner. It was so loud. I felt helpless, trapped, violated. I fainted when I sat up after the abortion.

By its very nature, abortion requires a violation of a woman's body. Her cervix, which nature has designed to remain closed to protect the developing human fetus, must be forcibly opened. Then, her womb, which is designed to nurture life, must be penetrated, suctioned, and scraped. For many women, this experience is nothing less than their first intimate encounter with death.

The pain of the abortion procedure was a physical manifestation of the taking of life from my body. It was an experience I will never forget. After it was over, I felt confused and shaken; then, sitting in the recovery room, I was overcome with enormous regret. I felt so overwhelmed by the emotion that I didn't even sit there for 40 seconds before I got up, dressed, and walked out, pretending as if nothing in my life had changed. But everything had.

For Rosemary, the sight of babies became the connector to the death experience of abortion.

When I was on that table, for the first time ever in my life, I experienced death in all its blackness and finality. Now I have what I call "lock on" syndrome. I zoom in on every single infant around me wherever I am and am reminded of the incredible pain and guilt and panic at the horror of my choice. I am having deep feelings of regret and self-hatred. I am having immense difficulty reconciling the life around me with the death and the irretrievable loss I feel inside.

To fully ponder the tragedy of aborting one's own child is frightening, overwhelming, and perhaps simply impossible. For Heather, this memory lingered at the edges of her conscience, keeping the pain of her loss intensely alive.

The pain of my abortion is so real. The thought of killing your own child can push you over the edge. It has taken me years to overcome this grief. Abortion destroyed not only my child, but myself. I wish people knew that the aborted baby never really goes away.

For Kari, the death of her child also involved a death of some part of herself.

A part of me died, and it took me nine-and-a-half years to identify what died. The part of me that died from my abortion was my son or daughter whom I'll never know. I repressed and denied this for so long that emotionally I started to die too. I started to lose interest in life. My husband didn't matter. My children didn't matter. I wanted to die, but I never knew why. I felt like I was a lost child who didn't want to find my way home. I was a tree in spring without a bud of life on any branch. My roots lost their ability to drink the water of life. I never quite knew what was wrong with me. . . 

Read the full article here: Abortion as a Traumatic Experience

Happy Birth Month

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day.  It's also the day I have assigned to be my son's birthday.  If his grandmother hadn't forced his murder, he would have been born in February 1973.

A long time ago, I assigned Valentine's Day as his birthday.  No one knows this and no one knows what my heart goes through on that day.  This post is the first time I have spoken of this or shared the bracelet I bought, quite a few years ago.

Valentine's Day and this memory bracelet are all I have of my son.  My heart is consumed with the loss.  I don't know how to explain the depths of the damage that abortion does to women.

On this day and everyday, I honor my son and hold his memory close.

Happy Birth Month, my son.

No More Murdering of Innocents

"Children conceived through rape, incest, and war crimes are innocent, and don't deserve the death penalty. Abortion is not the pathway to healing for women, but a second act of violence. We can and must do better than abortion for victims of sexual violence." -- LiveAction

Love and Support

Yesterday, I received an email from mother.  It was just about her sending me a Valentine's Day card.  She does this every year and I just throw them in the trash.  Like I've said before, I have no room in my heart to forgive her, love her or even hold a conversation with her.

What I found interesting is this line, in her email.

"Regardless wanted to send my love and support." 

Hmm, love and support?  She doesn't really mean it.  For the past 40 years she has yet to apologize for the murder of my son. In fact, she won't even acknowledge that the murder took place.

Now, I have some health issues and she tells me I don't.  I have hearing loss and she informed me that I hear just fine.  Then I always get the 'don't be ridiculous' line.  So, how in the Hell can she send her 'love and support.'  She's a lying piece of crap.

She also likes to say she keeps people in their prayers.  That's a lie.  I don't believe the woman knows what a heartfelt prayer really is.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I  doubt it.

One day, she will die and I WILL be free. Sadly, my son was never given the chance to know what being free was all about.

Dear Mom, this could have been your grandson. You murdered an innocent and for that, there is no forgiveness.

Tears of Loss

Last night I cried until I couldn't cry any more.  I never realized how horrible PTSD could really become, the older I get.

But, the sense of loss and grief just continue to grow and grow.  I have lost so much and as I grow older I just can't contain the loss.

I should be a grandmother.  I should have someone to hold my hand when I am afraid of growing old.  I should have someone to lean on when I get bad news from the doctor.  I should have a family.

My mother has one.  But, she denied me the chance of ever having my own.

I  cry for my loss.  I cry for my son. There is no consoling my heart.  The loss is too tremendous and I've needed my son in my life, but my mother refused to allow him to exist.

Oh mother, dear mother.  I hate you, and I have no forgiveness for you.  I pretended, for so long, to agree with you to put up with you and support you in whatever you did. I took your crap.  I allowed you to make fun of me and make me the butt of your jokes.  I tried to be a good daughter and hid my pain, grief and loss.  But, no more.  You are an evil person.  You can kill your own grandchild because, as you said it, he would not have a name.  How could you?  How could you?  How can one person be so evil.

Mother, when you die I will finally be free of you.  I will not attend your funeral because the only thing I would have to say is that you murdered my child.  I will not shed a tear over your death.  I will be free.  The chains you put on me will be gone.

But, today and every day, I grieve, I cry, I hurt to the core of my soul.  My son,  I need you.

Unborn Babies Bill of Rights

Words, Music & Performed by Barry David Butler (c) 2014 All Rights Reserved

Contact him at bdbutler@centurylink.net or 863-385-5690 For Performances and or Songs. He lives in Sebring, Florida

A Baby's Life- -Timeline

Fetal Development Timeline -- By: Joy Juedes

Science consistently points to the fact that life begins at conception. But what happens after that? How is an unborn child "knit together" Psalm 139:13) in utero?

One of the most surprising things about fetal development is that nothing significantly new happens after 12 weeks after conception- the child simply gets bigger and matures. 

Nearly 90 percent of abortions are done before the twelfth week, when the child is supposedly "blood clots" (Mifeprex [mifepristone] pamphlet) or "pregnancy tissue," (Planned Parenthood document). The twentieth week is about the earliest partial-birth abortions are done. By that time, the baby could survive outside the womb.

Here is a nutshell timeline of a developing unborn child:

• 7-14 days- Cells multiply and become specialized for muscular, neural, reproductive, skeletal, digestive, and circulatory functions.
• 20 days- Eyes start to form
• 22 days- Heart begins to beat
• 23 days- Central nervous system begins to develop
• 4 weeks- Skeleton forms and muscles develop, arms and legs begin to form
• 5 weeks- Nose and mouth form
• 6 weeks- Brain waves can be recorded
• 8 weeks- All organs are present, complete, and functioning (except lungs- they follow a little later)
• 8-10 weeks- Body is completely formed. Responds to touch, fingers and toes defined, has permanent fingerprints, baby can suck thumb
• 8-13 weeks- The child's sex can be distinguished
• 11-12 weeks- Finger and toenails form, the child can make all facial expressions. All organ systems are working, the baby can feel pain
• 15 weeks- "Fluff" appears on the baby's head, also has visible eyebrows, eyelashes
• 16 weeks- Mother can feel the baby move, heart pumps six gallons of blood per day, very rapid growth. Can have REM (dream) sleep
• 18 weeks- the child is now "complete," needing only more time to grow.
• 22 weeks- Mother can feel the baby hiccup
• 20-24 weeks- If born this young, the child could survive outside the womb

Source Article: California Right to Life

PTSD and Abortion

Complications from abortion are real and they happen more than we are told.  Not only do I have PTSD, I ended up with a hysterectomy because of the scar tissue. I lost my son, my heart, my life and my future.  All because someone else forced me to participate in something that is morally wrong.  Murder is never right.

". . .After abortion, many women experience post-traumatic stress disorder. (There is help for you if you’re in a spot like this.) Many realize, all too late, that their unborn children were unique, helpless individuals who needed a chance at life that only their mothers could have given them. Abortion clinics specialize in giving women inaccurate information about an unborn child’s development, often leaving out the true facts about when a baby’s heart begins to beat (22 days), when brain waves can be measured (about six weeks), and when a baby’s organs are present and functioning (eight weeks for all but the lungs; they follow at 11-12 weeks). At five weeks, all four heart chambers are functioning. At eight to ten weeks, a baby can suck her thumb. . ."

Source Article: LifeSite News

Pro Murder and Anti Human - This is Abortion

Planned Parenthood in South Carolina fights fine for cooking the remains of aborted babies

By Holly Gatling, Executive Director

South Carolina Citizens for Life South Carolina has a long history of grotesque abortion stories — from aborting a baby who lived 21-days to documenting an abortionist grinding up babies’ bodies in a common sink disposal.

 The most recent disgusting revelation involves all three abortion facilities in South Carolina, but most prominently Planned Parenthood in Columbia, S.C. According to the duly authorized investigation by the S.C. Department of Health and Environmental Control (DHEC), the PPFA staff has been illegally cooking the bodies of aborted babies who were then dumped in garbage landfills.

 It is bad enough that the law requires the babies’ bodies to be cremated or donated for scientific research. But the DHEC citation of Planned Parenthood noted that there had been 23 shipments of aborted babies that had been “steam sterilized.” In my book that is nothing more than cooking the bodied of aborted babies and that is illegal in South Carolina. Planned Parenthood got caught and heavily fined for illegally disposing of the “products of conception,” the technical name for aborted babies.

Now the abortion giant is fighting to keep from paying the fine while shrieking that the government is on a politically motivated “witch hunt.”

Never mind that DHEC uncovered the nauseating “health care” practices in the state’s abortion industry.

 Begun in September of 2015, the South Carolina House Legislative Oversight Committee continues its investigation of the three free-standing abortion facilities in the state. The purpose of the investigation is to determine if any abortion facility traffics in baby body parts as some Planned Parenthood facilities have been caught doing in other states.

 To deflect attention from the other illegal practices that have been unearthed, Planned Parenthood officials and supporters smugly crow that the probe has shown no evidence that the local abortion businesses trafficked in the bodies and body parts of aborted babies. Be that as it may, the investigation is shining a cleansing light on the pit-of-hell practices that go on in the state’s abortion businesses.

 As a result, DHEC is recommending tightening abortion clinic regulations to include mandatory ultrasounds to determine gestational age before an abortion. The current regulations require an ultrasound if the baby’s guesstimated age is 12-weeks or older. Another positive to come out of the investigation is the DHEC recommendation to require hospital emergency rooms to report post-abortion complications. That is a positive step forward because we know that women have serious complications that are not documented and the abortion facilities are not held responsible. Planned Parenthood along with two other private abortion businesses and two waste disposal companies face fine of up to $51,000.

Only Planned Parenthood, the most lucrative abortion business in the country, is contesting the fines.

Back in September when Melissa Reed, the Vice president of Planned Parenthood South Atlantic told reporters the South Carolina investigation of abortion facilities was a politically motivated “witch hunt,” the story of Hansel and Gretel came to my mind. The hideous witch in the Brothers Grimm Fairytale killed and cooked children.

I think Ms. Reed protests too much.

 Editor’s note. This appears in the current digital edition of National Right to Life News. It can be accessed at:  www.nrlc.org/uploads/NRLNews/NRLNewsJan2016.pdf.

 Source Article: National Right To Life News