The Violence of Abortion

ABORTION AS AN EXPERIENCE OF VIOLENCE

Regardless of the reasons why they have chosen to abort, and even if they are morally comfortable with their decision, many women experience abortion as a violation of their "physical integrity," as it is termed in the definition of PTSD. In many cases, women have described their abortions as feeling like "surgical rape."9 This analogy is not surprising when one considers the actual mechanics of abortion. The woman is prone on her back, legs spread, with a masked stranger plunging instruments into her sexual organs, painfully and literally sucking life out of her womb. Linda described her abortion as follows:

I was fully awake, no pills given, or shots. I lay there with tears rolling down my face. The room was cool. My tears felt like fire on my face, cutting it, slice by slice, tear by tear. My hands were wet with sweat; my right hand squeezed the counselor's thin, cold hand as though squeezing the life out of her. My left hand lay fisted, clenched tightly on my vibrating stomach as the abortion occurred. It felt as though someone was raping me with a 15-Amp canister vacuum hose with no mercy as I lay there helpless, crying calmly, as if agreeing to be raped.

This experience of abortion as a violation of a woman's physical integrity is likely to be even more pronounced in women with a history of being sexually abused or raped. In these instances, the abortion is a connector to these other traumas. This is why a history of sexual abuse is a risk factor for greater post-abortion psychiatric problems. Adding trauma on top of trauma is not healthy, even if the victim is freely consenting to the abortion. As we will see in the next chapter, the intrusion aspect of trauma means that the victims are more likely to recreate trauma in their lives. Providing abortions to women with a history of sexual assault or abuse contributes, in many cases, to self-destructive tendencies. This is especially worrisome in light of recent studies that indicate that up to one-third of women have been the victims of rape or sexual abuse.10

According to one abortion clinic nurse, "Abortion is the narrowest edge between kindness and cruelty. Done as well as it can be done, it is still violence.... "11 According to Missy:

My abortion was extremely traumatic. The pain was excruciating. They kept telling me not to arch my back. I remember nurses coming in to hold me down. The machine sounded like a broken-down air conditioner. It was so loud. I felt helpless, trapped, violated. I fainted when I sat up after the abortion.

By its very nature, abortion requires a violation of a woman's body. Her cervix, which nature has designed to remain closed to protect the developing human fetus, must be forcibly opened. Then, her womb, which is designed to nurture life, must be penetrated, suctioned, and scraped. For many women, this experience is nothing less than their first intimate encounter with death.

The pain of the abortion procedure was a physical manifestation of the taking of life from my body. It was an experience I will never forget. After it was over, I felt confused and shaken; then, sitting in the recovery room, I was overcome with enormous regret. I felt so overwhelmed by the emotion that I didn't even sit there for 40 seconds before I got up, dressed, and walked out, pretending as if nothing in my life had changed. But everything had.

For Rosemary, the sight of babies became the connector to the death experience of abortion.

When I was on that table, for the first time ever in my life, I experienced death in all its blackness and finality. Now I have what I call "lock on" syndrome. I zoom in on every single infant around me wherever I am and am reminded of the incredible pain and guilt and panic at the horror of my choice. I am having deep feelings of regret and self-hatred. I am having immense difficulty reconciling the life around me with the death and the irretrievable loss I feel inside.

To fully ponder the tragedy of aborting one's own child is frightening, overwhelming, and perhaps simply impossible. For Heather, this memory lingered at the edges of her conscience, keeping the pain of her loss intensely alive.

The pain of my abortion is so real. The thought of killing your own child can push you over the edge. It has taken me years to overcome this grief. Abortion destroyed not only my child, but myself. I wish people knew that the aborted baby never really goes away.

For Kari, the death of her child also involved a death of some part of herself.

A part of me died, and it took me nine-and-a-half years to identify what died. The part of me that died from my abortion was my son or daughter whom I'll never know. I repressed and denied this for so long that emotionally I started to die too. I started to lose interest in life. My husband didn't matter. My children didn't matter. I wanted to die, but I never knew why. I felt like I was a lost child who didn't want to find my way home. I was a tree in spring without a bud of life on any branch. My roots lost their ability to drink the water of life. I never quite knew what was wrong with me. . . 

Read the full article here: Abortion as a Traumatic Experience