Procedure AKA Murder

I am still not at a point where I can describe, in detail, the actual procedure.  But, I will do my best.

This part of the day was the most horrifying and changed my entire life and being, forever.

I was placed on a table and strapped to stirrups.  The nurse was there busying herself with the equipment.  I asked her if she would hold my hand.  She told me to hold on to the edge of the table and it would be over in a minute. I was so alone and so terrified.

The equipment was ominous looking and I was not given anything to help with the fear, anxiety and horror. I was wide awake.

The Doctor came in and started setting up.  He never said a word to me.  Then it started.  He said I would feel a little pressure.  Huge lie.  The pain started and all I could do was grip the table and cry my eyes out.  Not the Doctor or the nurse said a word.  No comfort, no reassurance, no nothing.  I was being ripped apart and they did not care.

The sounds were more than anyone should have to bear. I can't even describe the horror of those sounds.  But yet, I can still hear them as if it were happening all over again.

When it was all done the Doctor slapped my stomach and said 'you're not pregnant anymore.' and walked out of the room.  I was numb.

This is what abortion looks like http://www.abortioninstruments.com/  This is what my own mother forced me to do to my own child.  I hate her forever.  There is no forgiveness in my heart for her.  Forgiving her is beyond my capabilities.  I will forever hate her for doing this.

But, what can you expect from someone who can trap sparrows, to keep them out of her purple martin houses, and put them next to the exhaust pipe of a running car.  Yeah, that's how cruel she can be.  If it interferes with what SHE wants then she gets rid of it, no matter the means.

The nurse gave me some reading material and some sanitary pads.  She told me to get dressed and go to the next room to 'recover'.  Recovery lasted about 30 minutes

Next up was a forced group meeting about birth control and aftercare.

The meeting was horrible.  It was like sitting at the 'cool girls' table in school.  They were all laughing and just yucking it up.  I was feeling separated from my body.  It was too surreal for me to handle.  It was like I split in to two entities.  One that sat and listened to the lecture and the other that retreated in to the darkness.

I just wanted this to be over.  I wanted to be alone to cry until I couldn't cry any more.

Day over and we flew home the same day.